The Downward Trajectory of Life- How Not to Feel Irrelevant

June 24, 2015October 21, 2016 / Sheila McIntrye Good, Author / 4 Comments

Thanks Jeff for the prompt. This free-writing exercise for day 7 of my500words, brought out a bit of melancholy.

Photo courtesy of Google & feministcurrent.com

I wished someone had told me, five, ten, or twenty years ago how hard things get when you begin the downward trajectory of life. I will turn 62 in November and in terms of the average life span in the US, 62 is still young.

However, no one prepared me for becoming irrelevant. What I mean is, as we approach this time in our lives, our children are adults, many into mid-life and the grandchildren seem to be maturing faster than the weeds in my garden.

The children you once spoke to daily or weekly are now caught up in their own immediate families. Their schedules packed running one child to dance, the other to sports practice.

While they used to run situations or decisions by you, they no longer need to, having gained a fair amount of life experiences themselves. Now, they are the parent comforting, or giving out advice to a child. Problems once seemed only insurmountable if discussed with mom are now handled with a mature and steady mind.

As a parent, on the one hand, I’m thrilled they can do it themselves. After all, that’s what all the years of parenting were for, making them independent, strong individuals capable of dealing with the ups and downs of life. On the other hand, I miss being needed.

It’s not as if they don’t want my advice (Ok, maybe sometimes), but they don’t need it. I’ve done my job. All that’s left is to sit back and relax. If only it was that easy.

Day 7

Growing old can be very lonely. So, here are a few things I wished I’d known and even though, no one is asking, a little advice. Take it or leave it, but I hope you will at least consider it for the times ahead.

Cultivate a hobby, something you enjoy early on. It will keep your hands and mind busy when the days become longer.
Cultivate friends, many of them, paying special attention to those most loyal.
“Do for others as you would have them do unto you.” It isn’t just a Bible verse; it is a way of life and when honored will reap many rewards.
Be kind, but genuine. In this hectic world where everyone seems to wear their feelings on their sleeves, it is often difficult to stay the course when the road of values divide.
Learn to disagree, agreeably – silence and acquiescence will smother you as quickly as a soft pillow pressed upon your face. There is nothing worse than a disagreeable old person.
Give more than you take in relationships, time, and money. The benefits far out weigh dividends.
Learn to listen. Sometimes, all anyone needs is an ear.
Stay informed don’t lose your voice, it matters.
Stay active and honor your body. The years ahead will present challenges and the better prepared your body is; the better you will weather the storm.
Remember your father and mother. Check on them, call them, and ask the questions you want to ask now. There will come a time, when the answers are lost.

As a nurse, I understood the cycle of life. Much like the 3 act structure in a novel, we are born, live, and die. The second act is where all the exciting things happen. The third act of life brings resolution. Make it exciting all the way to end and have no regrets.

A Tribute to Daddy

June 21, 2015October 21, 2016 / Sheila McIntrye Good, Author / 2 Comments

“Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.” Exodus 20:12

Today is Father’s Day and all over the country, families will celebrate with cards, gifts, phone calls and gatherings. For many, however, there is no father. Some have never known theirs; others see him infrequently, through bars, or lost him too soon.

I was five years old when I lost my father to a brain aneurysm; he was 32 years old. Although, I don’t have many memories of my childhood, I do have memories of my daddy. I remember laughter, a tight-knit family, and a sense of security. My daddy had a fun, mischievous side to him and he loved us.

A memory I will always cherish is the Sunday me and my two sisters misbehaved in church, or so mom said. We were warned, “You just wait until your father gets home.” Daddy closed the door to our bedroom, removed his belt and told us, “Girls, when I hit the bed I want you to cry real loud.” He gave that bed the spanking of a lifetime and satisfied mom’s demand we be punished. Our suppressed giggles and the smile on my daddy’s face will stay with me always.

I also remember the day he got sick and the last time I saw him in his hospital bed, just before surgery. Alert and smiling, he hugged and kissed each one of us. He told us he loved us and to be good to mama. Daddy died on the operating room table before the surgery began. I remember my cousin lifting me over the casket, sitting in our family living room, to kiss him goodbye. Losing him was a tremendous loss, but it would be years before I realized the magnitude.

Recently, I reconnected with some of my cousins on daddy’s side and we visited my 93-year-old Aunt, daddy’s only remaining sibling. With a crystal clear mind, she shared stories with me. She validated those early memories and gave me a few new ones to cherish. My aunt told me, he was a good man and “crazy about your mama and all of you kids.” It is something I knew deep in my heart even as a child.

Daddy, I honor you today for the father you were to me, my sisters, and brother. I did not have you long, but you left a lasting impression on the woman I have become. Thank you for the image of making mom laugh. Thank you for the Sunday’s at Grandma’s and always stopping by the State line store to spend the silver dollar Papa gave to each of us. I remember what you always said as you pulled to a stop in front of the store, “I bet that money’s burning a hole in your pocket.” Thanks Daddy for letting me help you wash your car, play in the snow and not spanking me for getting in the hen-house. Thank you for the memories of love, Daddy and showing me, once upon a time the true meaning of family. .

Happy Father’s Day,

I love you

You can follow me on Facebook at SheilaMGood and Twitter @cofcmom.

Day 4

How to Tell Which Self-Publishing Company is Right For You

June 21, 2015October 21, 2016 / Sheila McIntrye Good, Author / Leave a comment

I’m not ready to make a decision on who or how to publish my novel. However, years ago while looking at publishing a picture book, I investigated some of the SPSCs, including Author House. This information is the kind you want to save, even if you’re not quite ready for publication. Thanks to A Writer’s Path for sharing this valuable guest post by Helen Sedwick.

Are Squirrels Interfering With Your Writing Routine?

June 17, 2015October 21, 2016 / Sheila McIntrye Good, Author / 3 Comments

Lord have mercy, the squirrels are loose in Lyman! No, I don’t mean the nut-gathering, fluffy-tail kind. I’m talking about the partying kind. And, they’re having the time of their lives running amok in my brain.

Each morning I sit down intending to write on my novel, blog, or make notes on the story idea that came to me in the middle of the night.

Yet, somewhere between my butt hitting the chair and that first keystroke, the band starts playing.

I’ll just scan my emails first; it shouldn’t take long. In the middle of every email, what do I find? Links! They sound so enticing and I might miss something if I don’t click.

Then, I receive notice from Twitter, “You have a new follower; so and so favorited your tweet…” It would be rude not to reply.

Three hours later, I’ve clicked every link included in the first five emails (I still have two and a half pages left to peruse) and checked out my new followers on Twitter. Before I can’t get through Facebook (damn share buttons) my husband walks in, ” Hey, I have an idea; let’s go shopping then head up to the lake.”

Well, who doesn’t like shopping? And well, I could use a little relaxation.

What about you? Are these beautiful, sunny days feeding the squirrels?

How do you stay focused on writing when FUN is calling your name?

Tips for taming the squirrels:

Make a list of writing projects, in order of importance (deadlines, submissions, contests).
Devote your first hour of the day to writing and nothing but writing.
Schedule blog updates and your WIP on alternate days.
Check email, Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, Contently only after that first hour.
Buy your husband a golf membership or if all else fails, lock him out of the house.

What about you? How do you stay focused during the summer? I’d love to hear from you. Talk to me. Share the tips and be sure to follow me on Twitter or Facebook.