A Different Year

 

We’re less than 24-hours out. The start of a new year, a new beginning, a chance to do things over, better or different. And, boy will it be differen for me. I will begin 2022 without Piper.

Since October 2008, she has been my constant companion. Although she shared the limelight with her brother Cooper until March of 2014, she ruled the roost from the very day we brought her home.

She was the feistiest of the litter and her personality pulled me to her like a magnet. I wanted to name her Palin (appropriate for the times) but was outvoted by my husband (at the time). He thought it was too controversial. So, I named her Piper. Little did he realize, Piper was Palin’s daughter’s name. Guess, I got the last laugh.

Piper was bossy, sassy, and pranced around like a princess. She knew when I felt low or sick and stuck to me like glue. She was there when my husband left, through three moves, and every illness I faced. When we moved into our new home, she guarded the corner like it was her own special place in the world. Our neighbors knew her well.

Her favorite places were perched on the top of my sofa, or the pillow wrapped around my head every night.

When I returned to work to help out with Covid, Piper sulked. She didn’t like me being away. Janet, Bill & Missy, her surrogate family, and next-door neighbors were gracious enough to take her into their home on the days I worked. Piper loved them and they, her. Those days of walking with Missy and lying next to Janet or Bill brought joy to her life and I’m forever grateful. You can check out Janet’s tribute here, Piper.

On December the 20th, Piper became very ill. She was in excruciating pain from massive tumors that seemed to appear from nowhere. She had been with me through every joyous and hard moment in my life over the last thirteen years. Now, it was my turn. I could not help – except to let her go; anything less would have been selfish. It was heartbreaking. I loved her. She’d been there for me. The least I could do was be there for her.

Just like when I had to say goodbye to her brother, Cooper, I wrapped my arms around her and told her all the things she meant to me, how much I loved her, and all the things I would miss. Then, I sang to her – “You are my Sunshine.”

Piper brought so much joy to my life and to those around her. She took her job, being my sidekick, protector, and partner in crime seriously and along the way, taught me a few life lessons.

She taught me loyalty, the power of touch or a snuggle, the joy of a walk even when you didn’t feel like it, and the importance of making connections.

Piper, in the short time we lived in this neighborhood, left her mark. For a week after her passing, I couldn’t go to the door without finding a flower arrangement, gift, cards, or other expressions of sympathy. The whole neighbor felt her loss.

I pray when my time comes, my presence will have such an impact and legacy.

Christmas was different this year. We missed Piper, a favorite time of year for her. There will be many more occasions we pause and remember our girl. Our fur babies are family and a gift from God. I’m grateful for all the love and memories of the last thirteen years. I am confident she is running through the fields next to Cooper and have no doubt, they will one day run to meet me with their tails wagging and bunches of kisses.

Here’s a look back at Piper being Piper.

Making Connections

 

It isn’t news to anyone, the last year and a half has been trying, isolating, confusing, and damn right depressing. We’ve had to acquiesce, adjust, change … whatever – pick a verb – to a different way of life.

I’m not here to discuss the pros, cons, or any of the contradictions, theories, or suppositions about where we all now find ourselves, but to talk about a few observations.

People are crying out for connections.

It’s funny after turning into a society that has forgotten how to read facial expressions and largely communicates through text & emojis, we find ourselves craving to see each other and have a real conversation.

The masks, whatever you believe about their merits have robbed us of the very things we took for granted. They obscure the most important part of us in which we communicate – our facial expressions, a smile, a grimace, a frown, or a look of pleasure.

Suddenly, I find myself focusing on the eyes – the window to the soul as they say. I listen harder because words are muffled behind masks. I watch for a furrowed brow, brimming, squinted, or narrowed eyes. I listen to the tone of their voice. Is it pitched, low, loving, angered, or just tired?

I’ve become an active listener. We all have out of necessity.

On occasion, I meet someone without a mask. I don’t rush to judgment or ask about their vaccination status. I’m not afraid but thrilled to see a face and 99% of the time, a smiling face, eager to converse greets me back. I smile and speak and they respond. There’s an openness, a hunger to connect and we do.

It doesn’t matter if it’s a stranger in an elevator, on the street, in a store, or a nail salon – I feel an immediate connection. Sometimes, it’s brief and sometimes it stretches into minutes or hours. It’s as if neither of us wants it to end. It’s been so long, but we’re paying attention now. We’re looking for those opportunities. We’re really listening; not twiddling with our phones, or distracted. We’re hanging on to that moment of human-to-human connection as if by a thread.

These are difficult times, but we need each other. We need to connect, look each other in the eye, focus on the words we exchange, the stories we share, and cherish every connection.

We are not each other’s adversaries. We don’t all march to the same tune, but we are all the same and our connections make the world a better place.

We’re all in this together. Don’t ride it out in fear or alone. You’re not alone. We’re all right here, ready and eager to make connections.

 

 

’d love to hear your comments. Talk to me. Tell me your story. I’m all ears and look for me on Facebook Page at SheilaMcIntyreGood, PinterestBloglovinTwitter@sheilamgood, Contently, and Instagram. You can follow my reviews on Amazon and Goodreads.

 

 

How Do You See Others?

Hello, fellow fence jumpers! It has been close to a year since I last stepped deep into the Cow Pasture. Like many of you have been caught up in the strange world of Covid-19, the quarantines, rules, regs, and controversies. It feels as if I have stepped from my world onto another planet.

Uncertainty, fear, isolation, social unrest, censorship, confusion, and even a cultural war have dominated the past year. All of which, looking through a writer’s eye, would make a great start to a sci-fi novel.

So, I sat back and thought about what was happening. The first thing I noticed was how superficial we had become.

Fear does strange things to people. It makes some of us vulnerable, some of us dig down and find our courage and push through, and others become opportunists. The vulnerable retreat to safety to wait out the worst; the courageous push forward and find ways through the challenges, and the opportunistic exploit and take advantage of the situation. It is the opportunists narrative we hear the loudest. And as a result, we stop listening, talking, or hearing each other. We hunker down in homes, groups, or “tribes,” throw ourselves into survival mode, and all the while our world vision narrows to the point we could no longer see others. Really see them.

We have become a nation of paper cut-out people, flat characters who define each other by our most basic and outward traits. Most notably, the color of our skin, political affiliation, or the values we espouse. But, as writers, we know that people are not flat. They are not just a color of skin, or a profession, or gender, or any of those outward characteristics, traits, or appearance.

When writers begin the process of character development outward, physical characteristics such as height, weight, gender, hair/eye color, dress, and so on are the things that we build upon to create living characters. But at that point, all we have is a paper cut out, a sketch. It is by no means the sum of the personality we are developing. We research, plot, plan, and delve into the revealing, intricacies, and intimate details that make our character a person. We want to know what makes them tick, why and how they make decisions, what influences them, or what makes the character act or curl up in a ball. We want to know their biases, preferences, desires, hopes, dreams, deep dark secrets, and the history of their failures. Those things make our character come to life, leap off the pages of our story, and relatable.

Despite all the challenges we’ve faced in the past year, it became clear to me what we need to do. First, we should never give in to the temptation to see others through the lens of what they look like or what group they belong. Each of us is a whole, complex person, made up of our unique life experiences. You can’t tell that by looking at someone from the outside. Two, we should always refuse to accept the narrative of superficial labels. Three, make it a mission to get to know people.

We live in a beautiful free country where every individual deserves respect and to be seen as a whole person. A character of their own making and the way they look is just the beginning. They have a history, an intimate story to tell, complexities unseen by our eyes. But when we take the time to speak to each other, to talk, and to listen, to really listen, we often discover a friend.

As writers, we always strive to be better writers. As one of the millions of characters in this big beautiful world we inhabit together, we should expect nothing less of ourselves than to strive to be a better person. Look beyond watch you see. Dig deeper, reach out your hand and make a new friend. After all, we’re in this together.


 

I’d love to hear your comments. Talk to me. Tell me your story. I’m all ears and look for me on my Facebook Pageat SheilaMcIntyreGood,PinterestBloglovinTwitter@sheilamgoodContently, and Instagram. You can follow my reviews on Amazon and Goodreads.

 

Do You Have Your Life Story Plotted Out Like a Movie?

As writers, we often find ourselves sitting in the movie theater breaking down the plot. We whisper to each other about the implausible moments, poor character development, sloppy and incongruent plot, or the surprise ending we didn’t see coming. Occasionally the end leaves us smiling, in awe of the way the plot played out and all the loose ends came together in a tidy bow.  But then there are the times it leaves us with our mouth hanging open and muttering …“What the hell just happened?”

The truth is we all live in a novel or movie of our own making. We all have a story and our lives are filled with endless inciting events, complications, and twists and turns. We rarely know how our story will end, but love, commitment, and values typically keep our story going. Until it doesn’t.

It’s been a long time since I have ventured out of my safe place, the Cow Pasture.  I’ve spent the last year asking, “What the hell just happened?” I am now a statistic. One of the many women thrust into the unknown world of a Grey Divorce The increasing demographic trend of women who have been married a long time, typically 25 -30 years, over the age of 50 who separate and divorce. According to Psychology Today, the rate of those over 50 who are divorcing has doubled in less than 30 years and the implications for women are staggering.

The divorce rate for adults ages 50 and older in remarriages is double the rate of those who have only been married once, Pew says. Among all adults 50 and older who divorced in 2015, 48% had been in their second or higher marriage. (Market Watch/Pew Institute)

This past year has been a difficult, challenging, and enlightening year for me. I am not one to lie down and curl up in a ball, even at the young age of 66.  I have always been the type to dust herself off, pull her big-girl pants up and get on with living.

As difficult as this journey has been, I intend to rediscover who I am, forge my own future, explore new adventures, and in the process share what I have learned about navigating this new life, and the phenomena of Grey Divorce.  I hope to offer tips, what to look out for, how to prepare, and what to do if it happens to you.

Based on the statistics, there are many like me out there and  I’d like to hear your story. If you would like to share your Grey Divorce story with me, contact me at sheilagood52@gmail.com with Grey Divorce in the subject line.

This is not about bashing our exes but about not only surviving but thriving through the trauma of a Grey Divorce. 

I’m making a new life for myself and 2020 is going to be a good year.  I hope you’ll come along for the ride.

 

I’d love to hear your comments. Talk to me. Tell me your story. I’m all ears and look for me on Facebook Page  at SheilaMcIntyreGood, PinterestBloglovinTwitter@sheilamgood, Contently, and Instagram. You can follow my reviews on Amazon and Goodreads.