I detest feeling helpless. You know the sense of “What now?” I consider myself a strong and independent woman. My philosophy has always been, “Where there’s a will there’s a way.” (Just ask my kids). But, like anything, a time comes when you realize, life and the world are not in your control. Shit happens and sometimes, you can do about it, but sit back and watch.
During my divorce, many years ago, I was determined to buy, set up, and decorate a Christmas tree for my two beautiful daughters. Easy peasy, what was the big deal? When we purchased our tree, the girls’ excitement became infectious. Thankfully the man placed it on top of the car for me. With great effort, we managed to get the tree to the front porch.
A little tall for the apartment, I retrieved the flimsy handsaw I’d bought along with the tree stand, and proceeded to saw on the bottom of the ragged trunk.
Honest to God, I was certain my arms would fall off before the tree trunk. My heavy breathing and blood-red face sent my oldest daughter into a fit of the giggles and then, into song. She began dancing around the porch and singing as loud as she could, “Mama needs a man…”
Between taking breaths, I vehemently denied it and kept sawing, praying silently God would drop one (a man) out of the sky. I am still convinced the trunk contained lead.
He didn’t drop one from the sky, but my neighbor, a tall, strapping man arrived home from work just in the nick of time. He took one look at me, walked over, and in two stokes the ragged trunk dropped to the floor (due to all my efforts of course). He carried it into our apartment, and secured it in the stand. I thanked him, “I almost had it, you know.” I can still see the smile on his face.
The feeling of helplessness grows with aging. I’ve experienced a number of those occasions. But, I always try to remember what I’ve drummed into my kids heads all their lives.” Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” I can do it.