August | 2013 | COW PASTURE CHRONICLES

We’ve all heard the warning, check and double-check spelling, punctuation, and grammar before submitting a piece for publication, but … what can I say, mistakes happen to the best of us.

If you’ve made a mistake recently, relax. Laughing at one’s self is a sign of maturity, or in some cases, getting ahead of the other guy.

"If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you." 
Groucho Marx                                                                         CLICK TO TWEET

"Laugh, and the world laughs with you; Weep, and you weep alone..."
―Ella Wheeler Wilcox                                                      CLICK TO TWEET

So, kick back and have a good, old-fashioned belly laugh. It’s good for your health and good for the soul. As demonstrated by these wonderful church ladies with typewriters.

I can’t take credit for finding these tidbits of laughter. I received them from a dear friend. I tried my to find their origination but was unsuccessful. I did manage to locate them in numerous other places on the net. Angelfire.com, Beliefnet.com, Lotsofjokes.com, to name a few.

These Bloopers and Typos actually appeared in church bulletins or announced during church services.

1. The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
2. The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’
3. The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’
4. Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
5. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
6. Smile at someone who is hard to love.
7. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
8. Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
9. Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
10. For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
11. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
12. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
13. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.
14. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
15. The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment, and gracious hostility.
16. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
17. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
18. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
19. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
20. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
21. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
22. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
23. The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours!

Thanks to my friend Jo and all her friends for forwarding these on. I hoped you enjoyed them as much as I did and took them in the spirit they were intended, a good belly laugh and a gentle reminder – check and recheck. Typos happen to the brightest and the blessed of us. No pun intended.

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It isn’t often I stop another man in public and offer him a compliment, especially when my husband is with me. But a few days ago, I witnessed something that impressed me and I couldn’t let the moment pass.

While shopping for a housewarming gift, I heard the unmistakable sound of merchandise tumbling from the shelf on the aisle next to me. Grateful it wasn’t me knocking things over, I ignored the commotion until a blur rushed by. The next words and the tone of concern piqued my interest.

“Honey, are you all right?”

I peeked over the shelves in time to see a rather large man rush to the side of a young preteen girl. Her reply was too low for me to hear, but she looked relieved.

He patted her back. “It’s okay, nothing broke.” His voice was gentle. “Let me help you.” He knelt beside her and together they returned each item to its rightful place. He stood, smiled, gave her a reassuring pat on the back, and moved away, leaving her to shop on her own, once again. He left her with no words of reproach or caution to watch what she was doing. He headed in my direction to resume his own shopping as if nothing had happened.

I thought of the many times I’d witnessed other children in similar situations and the reaction of other parents. The small child smacked on their tiny hand, bottom, or jerked away from the store shelves for simply mimicking mommy. The angry and frustrated mother,”I told you not touch!”

The language changes as children grow but the reaction is often the same.”Get away from there. If you break that it’s coming out of your allowance. Do you think I’m made of money?”

Much like the economy, patience is running thin in families across our nation. Our society is in turmoil to the point we are now debating the meaning of family, but as I observed this stranger with his daughter it was clear to me this man was an active, involved father and he understood completely the meaning of family. He gave me hope.

“Excuse me, Sir,” I said. Replacing an item on the shelf, he turned to me.
“Yes?” His smile was warm and welcoming. Faint crows feet crinkled in curiosity, as he looked right at me. I could see why his daughter felt safe.

“I wanted to tell you how impressed I was with how you handled your daughter’s mishap a few minutes ago. So often, I see parents get angry with their children when something like that happens, but your first concern was for your daughter, not the merchandise. It was wonderful to witness such parental love and patience. He seemed surprised.

“Why thank you, but we have five children, we’re used to seeing lots of things get broken.” He chuckled.

“Well, I just thought you should know, you’re a great example for fathers.”

“Thank you. I do my best.”

“Lucky kids,” I said, walking away.