Bloopers, Typos and Laughter

We’ve all heard the warning, check and double-check spelling, punctuation, and grammar before submitting a piece for publication, but … what can I say, mistakes happen to the best of us. 

If you’ve made a mistake recently, relax. Laughing at one’s self is a sign of maturity, or in some cases, getting ahead of the other guy.

"If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you." 
Groucho Marx                                                                         CLICK TO TWEET
"Laugh, and the world laughs with you; Weep, and you weep alone..."
―Ella Wheeler Wilcox                                                      CLICK TO TWEET

So, kick back and have a good, old-fashioned belly laugh. It’s good for your health and good for the soul. As demonstrated by these wonderful church ladies with typewriters

I can’t take credit for finding these tidbits of laughter. I received them from a dear friend. I tried my to find their origination but was unsuccessful. I did manage to locate them in numerous other places on the net.,, to name a few.

These Bloopers and Typos actually appeared in church bulletins or announced during church services.

    1. The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
    2. The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’
    3. The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’
    4. Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
    5. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
    6. Smile at someone who is hard to love.
    7. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
    8. Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
    9. Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
    10. For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
    11. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
    12. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
    13. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.
    14. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
    15. The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment, and gracious hostility.
    16. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
    17. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
    18. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
    19. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
    20. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
    21. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
    22. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
    23. The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours!

Thanks to my friend Jo and all her friends for forwarding these on. I hoped you enjoyed them as much as I did and took them in the spirit they were intended, a good belly laugh and a gentle reminder – check and recheck. Typos happen to the brightest and the blessed of us. No pun intended.

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To Daughter’s Everywhere: Mother’s Words of Wisdom

To every daughter who ever uttered the words, “I’m never going to be like my mother,” I hate to break the news to you.  It will happen, sneaking up on you when you least expect it.  Those famous last words will come rushing back and kick you in the rear.You know what I’m talking about.  Memories of having to cut your own switch, you swore NEVER to use corporal punishment.

So, you bought a cute little time-out chair.  You gloated over your parenting skills until the little angel reached her third birthday and decided she could out last you. Exhausted and patience long gone, the first nugget rolled off your tongue.  “Do you want a spanking?”  After that, the challenge was on. The little darling tested every resolve you ever made and your mother’s words tumbled out faster than water over a damn.

“Because I said so, that’s why.”
“Wait till your father gets home.”
“If you fall and break a leg, don’t come running to me.”
“Don’t you use that tone with me.”
“Don’t get smart with me.”
“If all your friends jumped off of a bridge, would you?”
“You better stop that crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.”
“I don’t care what the other kids parents told them, I said no.”
“I’m not asking you, I’m telling you.”
“Don’t put that in your mouth, you don’t know where it’s been.”
“Don’t make me come in there.”
“Go to your room and don’t come out.”
“I pray to God, you grow up and have a houseful just like you.”

But, the clincher happened when your teenager rolled her eyes at you for the first time and the world spun on its axis.“You roll your eyes again at me, and I will smack them into tomorrow.”

With her words reverberating in your ears, you run to the mirror horrified at the “mommy jeans “ and worn tee shirt you’re wearing and notice for the first time, the crow’s feet, and the hint of gray hairs.  “Oh My God!”  The reflection of your mother stares back.

Relax, acting like your mother happens to all of us.  Blame genetics, after all, you’re fifty percent her or imagine she passed on to you her secret words of wisdom.  Children didn’t come with a parent’s manual and although helpful, Dr. Spock and the other how-to- books are nothing more than quick start guides.  After those beginning years, you’re pretty much spitting in the wind and flying by the seat of your pants. You can’t prepare for this wild ride of love between a mother and her child, but words of wisdom tucked away for just the right time are priceless.

So, on Mother’s Day salute your mother, give her a call and thank her for all the words of wisdom she has imparted to you.  If you haven’t used them you will, and while you’re at it, you might want to find out a little bit more about her favorite bush. Do you have any favorite words from mom? I’d love to hear them. Leave me a comment.