Family

Father Time

/ Sheila McIntrye Good, Author / 3 Comments

Funny thing about time; mistakenly we believe there will always be enough. Enough to accomplish our dreams, see the world, or tell those we cherish how much they are loved. The truth is,  Father Time isn’t your friend. No respecter of persons, the clock of life ticks away whether we want it to or not.

When we’re young, we never give a moments notice. We mark our calendars in red, set our smart phones to chime,  setting  people and things we most treasure aside, all in the pursuit of days of  endless busyness.  We’ll have time tomorrow or the next; it isn’t going anywhere.

Only it is, we’re just too busy to notice.

One moment you’re a twenty something graduate excited about making your mark on the world, or a young bride starting her family.

Then you blink.

Your kids are grown leaving retirement and an empty nest to greet you each day.You notice the crow’s feet, greying hair and wonder aloud. Where did all the time go? You protest, But, I feel the same today as I did when ….

Then it happens.

A young cashier or waitress tells you about the senior discount. You catch a glimpse of yourself, the way you favor that left hip or the slowness in your step. Denying the obvious, you work an extra half-hour on the treadmill; schedule a makeover with your hairdresser and shop for a trendy new outfit, trying to hold time at bay. But the god-forsaken neon lights only highlight the age spots, saggy arms, and tits that look wilted rather than perky. The woman in the mirror isn’t who you thought she was.

Father Time has left his mark.

The wake-up call begins. Gripped with urgency whether from vanity or fear, you refuse to accept the subtle signs believing a few laser treatments and Botox will turn  the clock back.

But, you can’t out run Father Time.

Looking in the mirror, I see a woman who doesn’t sashay like she used to. Cheating death twice in less than six months tends to change one’s perspective. I assumed, when the time came, I would handle these heavy issues with grace and dignity. Now, I’m not so sure. It’s hard to feel safe struggling with the changes in my life, with all the things I haven’t done or said. I wish I could go back and start over.

All the brave, “I would never’s…”uttered I take back.

I hear the whispers of Father-time. “Youth and beauty can’t hold a candle to time NOT wasted.

Ways We Sabotage Our Own Writing Success

/ Sheila McIntrye Good, Author / 7 Comments

SABOTAGE CAN OUTWEIGH PRODUCTION - NARA - 515321Writing is not for the faint of heart. It takes hard work, dedication, a thick skin, and perseverance. Submitting that first piece of work is like standing naked on the stage of American Idol for all the world to judge.

We know, intellectually, constructive criticism and rejection will be part of the creative writing process, yet we are often unprepared. In addition, juggling everyday responsibilities and establishing a solid writing schedule amid time constraints can lead to disorganization, resulting in sabotaging the very success as writers we seek.

Sabotaging ourselves is easy. With its many disguises, it insidiously creeps up in the form of revisions, platform building, tutorials, tally counting, and discouragement, to name a few.
If you have ever found yourself doing any of the following, you might be sabotaging your writing success and perhaps it’s time to reevaluate.

  • Obsessing over a story or chapter–Revising to the point you can’t seem to move forward.
  • Obsessing over a rejection or critique–Taking it personally rather than learning from the experience
  • Obsessing over another’s numbers – Number of stories or novels published; the number of Twitter, Facebook, or Pinterest followers they have compared to you. As a result, you spend more time on social network sites than writing.
  • Obsessing over learning rather than doing – Reading or attending every how-to-write-the –best-novel book, class or seminar without ever translating the knowledge into a story or novel.
  • Obsessing over time – Constant complaining over not enough time, schedule interruptions; lack of planning, no set schedule, timetable or goal.
  • Obsessing over a blank page – Writer’s block or missing muse.
  • Obsessing over the negative rather than the positive – Allowing discouragement, resentment, and anger to sap your creative energy.

Each one of us has chosen our path in life and defined our own success. However, to achieve our dreams and goals we must recognize the obstacles in our path, including the ones we often place ourselves.

Patterns of sabotage can lead to talented writers throwing their hands up in frustration or never seeing their dreams come to fruition. However, once recognized these patterns can be changed and success is but a keystroke away.

What do you think? Do writers sabotage themselves? Have you? I’d love to hear your comments.

“…Finally… never quit. That is all the secret of success. Never quit! Quitting, I like to believe, has not been a striking characteristic of our family, and it is not tolerated in our college.
If you can’t win the scholarship, fight it out to the end of the examination.
If you can’t win your race, at least finish—somewhere.
If your boat can’t win, at least keep pulling on your oar, even if your eye glazes and the taste of blood comes into your throat with every heave.
If you cannot make your five yards in football, keep bucking the line -never let up—if you can’t see, or hear, keep plugging ahead! Never quit! If you forget all else I have said, remember these two words, through all your life…”

John D. Swain novelist and screenwriter; The Book of Man:  Readings on the Path to Manhood (Manuscripts & Archives, Yale University)

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Lucky Kids

/ Sheila McIntrye Good, Author / Leave a comment

It isn’t often I stop another man in public and offer him a compliment, especially when my husband is with me. But a few days ago, I witnessed something that impressed me and I couldn’t let the moment pass.

While shopping for a housewarming gift, I heard the unmistakable sound of merchandise tumbling from the shelf on the aisle next to me. Grateful it wasn’t me knocking things over,  I ignored the commotion until a blur rushed by. The next words and the tone of concern piqued my interest.

“Honey, are you all right?”

I peeked over the shelves in time to see a rather large man rush to the side of a young preteen girl. Her reply was too low for me to hear, but she looked relieved.

He patted her back. “It’s okay, nothing broke.” His voice was gentle. “Let me help you.” He knelt beside her and together they returned each item to its rightful place. He stood, smiled, gave her a reassuring pat on the back, and moved away, leaving her to shop on her own, once again. He left her with no words of reproach or caution to watch what she was doing. He headed in my direction to resume his own shopping as if nothing had happened.

I thought of the many times I’d witnessed other children in similar situations and the reaction of other parents. The small child smacked on their tiny hand, bottom, or jerked away from the store shelves for simply mimicking mommy. The angry and frustrated mother,”I told you not touch!”

The language changes as children grow but the reaction is often the same.”Get away from there. If you break that it’s coming out of your allowance. Do you think I’m made of money?”

Much like the economy, patience is running thin in families across our nation. Our society is in turmoil to the point we are now debating the meaning of family, but as I observed this stranger with his daughter it was clear to me this man was an active, involved father and he understood completely the meaning of family. He gave me hope.

“Excuse me, Sir,” I said. Replacing an item on the shelf, he turned to me.
“Yes?” His smile was warm and welcoming. Faint crows feet crinkled in curiosity, as he looked right at me. I could see why his daughter felt safe.

“I wanted to tell you how impressed I was with how you handled your daughter’s mishap a few minutes ago. So often, I see parents get angry with their children when something like that happens, but your first concern was for your daughter, not the merchandise. It was wonderful to witness such parental love and patience. He seemed surprised.

“Why thank you, but we have five children, we’re used to seeing lots of things get broken.” He chuckled.

“Well, I just thought you should know, you’re a great example for fathers.”

“Thank you. I do my best.”

“Lucky kids,” I said, walking away.

What are Your Writing Priorities?

/ Sheila McIntrye Good, Author / Leave a comment

To be successful writers, we are encouraged to set goals, make writing a priority, establish a daily routine, stick to it, and we do.

We set word goals, weekly goals, join challenges, write story prompts, and enter contests, all to improve our craft, establish a platform, and reach the ultimate goal – A completed novel, publications in a prestigious literary magazine, and validation.

However, life isn’t always that simple. I attended my critique group for the first time in six months or so. It was like a breath of fresh air and a shot of energizing encouragement. Maybe, I would resume writing. I hadn’t stopped writing, I couldn’t write. It wasn’t a lack of time or writer’s block. I just couldn’t write.

I have an autoimmune disease, which I’ve lived with since 1983. Last June my disease became active and the last year has been a battle. In times like these, you choose your battles and rearrange priorities. I’ve read a number of articles recently about finishing the things you start. I believe it’s an admirable value and one I do my best to live by. I have two novels and memoir I plan to finish when is not as clear now as before.

I realize die-hard writers will say you can find five minutes a day to write. Hell, I think in one my last blogs, I said ten minutes. Sometimes, we have to eat our words. The truth is, it boils down to choices, sometimes you have one, sometimes you don’t, and sometimes you have to make one.

When I began writing, I wanted to leave a legacy to my children and grandchildren. I thought completing my novel would be an incredible accomplishment for me and a gift for them. We all want to be remembered.

This year has been tough not just on me, but our entire family. I’m improving, but as I prepare to sit with my forty-year-old, step-daughter for her first round of chemotherapy, comfort the other step-daughter as she helps her forty-three-year-old husband recover from his first heart attack, or babysit my grandchildren when my daughter is recovering from an acute Crohn’s attack, my priorities must change.

I’m not negating all the advice we receive as writers to work hard toward success. I embrace them, I too pass them on and encourage others to set those same goals and priorities. I love to write, I want to write, and hope one day to have books and stories for my children and grandchildren to pass down. But, the legacy I want most to leave is, Mom was always there when we needed her. 

Do you choose your writing priorities or do they choose you?