I Can’t See a Damn Thing in This Fog

Daily Post Prompt:    Foggy

Funnyjunk

Crystal pulled her glasses off for the third time and cleaned them. She tried lens wipes, spray, Windex, and soap and water; which left the worst film ever.

Her husband, Roger, watched impatiently from the comfort of his recliner. “What are you doing? The movie’s about to come on, and you’ve been fooling with those damn glasses for twenty minutes.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “What the hell does it look like I’m doing? I’m cleaning them.”

“Looks to me like you’re rubbing a damn hole in the lens and eww.” His face wrinkled in disgust, “After everything else you’ve tried; you think your spit’s gonna do the trick?”

“I’m telling you, I can’t see! They’re all foggy and blurry. My eyes were just fine this morning.” Her shoulders drooped. “I give up; something’s wrong, Roger, I know it.” Her hands dropped to her lap. “I bet it’s a brain tumor, like moms.”

“Jesus H. Christ, Crystal; you don’t have a brain tumor.”

“I have been having more headaches lately,” she said.

Roger pushed the electric recliners up button. “Hand me the damn things, let me have a look, and stop sniffling. We’ll figure it out together.”

Crystal handed him a lens cloth and her glasses. “I could see fine this morning.”

Roger ignored the whiny, pitiful sound coming from his wife of forty years and studied the glasses. The lens sparkled, then he spotted the numbers on the temple of the glasses. He pulled himself, grunting from his favorite chair and shuffled to the other side of the house, muttering under his breath. A few minutes later, he returned. “Here, that should do it,” he said, extending the glasses to his wife.

Crystal put them on and broke out in a grin. “I can see! You fixed them!” She reached for his hand, but he’d already pushed the down button on his recliner and was moving out of reach.

She settled back on the sofa, ready for the movie, and started giggling. “And I thought it was a brain tumor.”

“More like dementia if you ask me,” Roger said, picking up the remote control.

“Well, how in the world did you fix them?”

“I didn’t; you had my reading glasses.” Roger turned up the volume loud enough for the neighbors to hear. “Now, hush, we’ve already missed the half of the movie.”

 

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the subject. Join the conversation. Talk to me or tell me your story. I’m all ears.

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Thank God We’ve Evolved

DAILY PROMPT:  Toothbrush

A typical chew stick. This one is from the plant Glycyrrhiza glabra (licorice)

I can remember as a child, my mother quizzing me, “Did you brush your teeth?” Twice a day and nothing less was the rule in our house.

It was a practice I carried over to my children. I wanted them to develop the habit of brushing early and be proud of their healthy beautiful teeth, but not all kids bought into that philosophy or the habit.

Getting some kids to brush is more difficult than tying a string to a door knob and pulling the little suckers! Waking up to a surprise left by the Tooth Fairy is much more enticing.  Can you imagine what it was like for those parents trying to get their kids to brush using the first toothbrush?

According to the Museum of Everyday Life, The Chinese (imagine)  invented the first bristle toothbrush during the Tang Dynasty (619-907)  from the very stiff, coarse hairs of the cold-climate hogs inserted into holes of either bone or bamboo.

I can see it now.  Junior’s mom thrusting a hairy bone out to her son. “I’m not gonna tell you again, brush your teeth.”

Thank God we’ve evolved. 

 

And, be sure to check out my book, Maybe Next Time, on Amazon. Available in Kindle and paperback formats.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the subject. Join the conversation. Talk to me or tell me your story. I’m all ears.

Blogging Made Easier: Five Tricks You Should Know

More changes from WordPress to make blogging easier. Thanks, WordPress.

The WordPress.com Blog

Writing interesting blog posts, creating attractive pages, and interacting with your visitors — these are essential ways to help you build a body of work, a successful business, or a growing audience online.

I’m part of a team focused on design and research at WordPress.com — I like to find ways to improve your experience, and to help you reach your website or blogging goals. In this post, I’ve compiled five of our favorite WordPress.com features that streamline your publishing experience and help you make an impact with your work faster.

Post Settings That You Can Hide

We’ve recently moved things around a bit in the editor. The settings for your post or page are now on the right — and can be hidden! Just click the cogwheel icon above your toolbar.

hide-show-sidebar.gifIf you yearn for a more minimal experience, hide the post settings so you can focus on your…

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