Happy Fucking New Year 2010

I know that I am suppose to be all a gush with the promise of a new year; a clean slate; a fresh start; a new beginning; A chance to just discard everything bad that I did or has happened this year and like drawing back a curtain, in a dark room, letting in the bright light, WHAM – we get to start over- BRAND NEW. BECAUSE IT’S THE FUCKING NEW YEAR! Just not feeling it. Just don’t believe it works that way; I know it doesn’t. Sounding pretty cynical aren’t I? God, would I love to be having this philosophilical conversation with you over a dirty martini! See everybody around me, especially now, is expecting me to make New Year’s resolutions that include the following: 1) I will stop grieving Cynthia 2) I will accept that she is gone 3) I will make new friends (so that I won’t miss her) 4)I will let go (this could include a lot of things)…….. Now there are many more things I could add, not related to you, the usual: lose weight, exercise, budget better, spend more quality time with my family. Or how about enjoying more honesty and eliminating political correctness from my vocabulary? I kinda of like that one. What I really want to do; what I really want my resolution to be is: stop letting others tell me what I need, What I need to feel, think, say or do; About anything; I will do or not do what I need to when the time is right for me, NOT because the clock has struck 12 and a New Fucking Year has begun.

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